Once upon a time there was a music channel.  And that music channel was called MTV.  And on MTV they would play videos.  Music videos.  And there would be VJs who would make some jokes and introduce the aforementioned music videos.   But that was in a different millennium.  We've cleared the airwaves for prized gems such as 'The Jersey Shore' and 'The Hills.'   No matter.  Tonight was about fashion, rock stars and high glam.   The VMAs are always a great showcase for risk-taking fashion (Rose McGowan's dress made of, like, 12 beads and nothing else comes to mind...).  Without further ado, let us discuss...

 

Ciara...

 

 

We can just picture this conversation between Ciara and her stylist:

 

Stylist:  I just love you in this white simple dress - it totally blends your skin tone so that you can't tell that your face and your legs are two totally different shades.

 

Ciara:  NO!  I TOLD you I wanted lace and feathers!  LACE.  AND.  FEATHERS!

 

Stylist:  Wait, you were serious?

 

Ciara:  YES!

 

Stylist:  Wow, okay -- well I did find one lace and feather dress but... okay... well try it on.

 

Ciara:  LOVE IT!  It's perfect!

 

Publicist:  C, your car is outside we have to go.

 

Stylist:  WAIT!  you have to change your shoes!!  Change your shoes!!  THOSE DON'T MATCH ....  Ciara?....  Ciara?  

 

 

Eva Pigford...

 

 

 

I'm a sucker for bright blue shoes -- love them (perhaps it's part of my Elvis fetish), but I am so over this trend of funky-bottomed shoes.  This just looks silly.  The only reason I like this shoe is because I laugh when people fall down and I just can't imagine that Eva can go the entire night standing on a 1/3 of a bottom of a shoe.  If someone catches this inevitable spill on their iphone - will you send it to us?

 

 

Robyn...

 

 

I suppose I've always wanted to know what Smurfette would look like as a rock star-turned-Martian with a bad haircut ... I guess this is my answer.   Somehow, though, I'm still feeling unfulfilled.   And remember what I said about always loving blue shoes?  I think I'm over it...   

 

 

Maria Menounos...

 

 

Ahh - a breath of fresh air.  Simple, elegant LBD.  Shoes with a little personality.  I can only hope that that waistline is airbrushed because if Maria Menounos is really that tiny I may have to hate on her.  But I really don't want to.  Because she really does look gorgeous.  And those shoes are spot on. 

 

 

Katy Perry...

 

 

Oh Katy.  You are just so darn cute.  It's the VMAs!  And you went for something little kooky and a little fun. And so much better than years past!  Sassy on top.  Demure shoes.  Love the strappy ankles.  Love the little star detail.  The skirt is questionable, but screw it!  It's the VMAs!

 

 

Rosario Dawson...

 

 

As always, you are gorgeous.  And I know Hollywood is really into the Green Movement.  But green shoes with a blue dress?  Not sure I'm loving that.  I always like a splash of color, but I much prefer it with a bit of rationale behind it.  This simply feels too haphazard... so close, Rosario, so close...

 

 

Audrina Partridge...

 

 

First of all, I'm very sorry to see that the spray tan tax has not discouraged you at all from tanorexia.  You are a very cute girl.  I'm sure you would be cuter if you were not orange.  And is it me or are you really starting to look like Amanda Bynes?  How did this happen?  But I'm off subject. Let's discuss you're shoes.  Love the shoes.  NOT with this outfit.  What too many parallel lines -- you've got the belt,  you've got the bracelets, you've got the arm bands... and THEN the same lines in the shoes?  I'm a little dizzy...

 

 

Jane Lynch....

 

 

YES!  Track Suite chic -- FUN.  However, why so practical with the shoes?  BORING!  Ask Rosario if you can borrow her green shoes.  They would look fab and give you just a wee bit of glamour.